| Pride is one of the seven deadly sins for a reason. |
[31 Jan 2010|10:44pm] |
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I think things have a way that they happen to fall. It would seem that I am following in someone's footsteps and that the steps I'm taking are very predictable but only seem unpredictable to me. I am not the first one to walk this path.
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| Annoying kids. |
[31 Jan 2010|04:28am] |
I really hate it when my cousins think they can do just about anything and not have to deal with it. Especially the boys. If there are three things I absolutely hate, it's when boys talk of women like they're nothing, they don't listen to me, and they don't follow fucking orders. Shit. If I tell them to go study I expect them to fucking obey. I don't expect them to go on about how they're banging this one and that one. God, I just don't know what to do about this.
This idea that in this day and age anything and everything is okay is beginning to piss me the fuck off. There are rules that you don't break. There is a bloody fucking line that you don't cross, no matter what. Jesus. Why is it so wrong/hard for people to understand that? I don't give a shit about what other people do but I expect every member of this family to uphold that. I expect them to make the right choice. God, do I expect too much?
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| It's a Guyanese thing... |
[27 Dec 2009|11:15pm] |
Girl: "Dad, I want you to meet my new boyfriend, Snake."
Dad: "Snake? *grabs cutlass* Snake, meet my friend cutlass. You best nah play yah ras around in hey. *glares* Alright since you come all dis way, come inside and lets talk."
*lets the boyfriend in, goes to the kitchen*
Dad: "You want something fah drink, bai? Meh only got Sorrel drink. It's a guyanese thing, eh eat good."
*gives the boy a glass of sorrel drink, guy spills it on the kitchen floor by accident*
Dad: "Eh bai! That drink come from back home! Gyal get the Shamwow!"
*daughter gets the Shamwow*
Dad: "Wipe um, wipe um! See bai! This shamwow thing them advertise on TV deh real good. Okay now squeeze um back in the glass gyal. Nah worry bai eh still good. Drink um eh good fah you. Me see this thing pan TV and meh buy um straight away. Meh tell meh wife, wifey this thing look real good, eh go save abbey lot a money.
*guy takes a swig*
Guy: "Wow, this taste really good Mr. Ramchal."
Dad: "Last week, the dog piss about a gallon pan deh kitchen floor and meh use that Shamwow fah clean um. Eh get the whole thing in tree wipes."
*Snake runs to the bathroom*
Dad: "Eh bai a weh the skunt you run off too? Meh talk to you! Ketch ya ras back hey meh nah done tell you about the shamwow. Yeh clean bathroom, window sill, ceilin, tilot bowl, all thing."
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| Someone needs a haircut... |
[07 Dec 2009|11:00pm] |
Sometimes I think we should get Johnny Deep to trick out his Edward Scissorhands costume and run around hollywood chasing down people in need of a haircut... he'll be the haircut paparazzi... "gaga oh la la?" Not for long....
Man today was just one of those days that you have to get through and all day long you're thinking "god... let me make it through the day! PLEASE!" but "the morning is darkest before the dawn" lol yeah right! Man I'm so out of it sometimes. Today was one of those days. But tomorrow will not be one of those days. Tomorrow will be a very productive day because right now "I will try again tomorrow" is playing in my head and I know I'll make childsplay out of it tomorrow.
That familiar poison is in my blood again. It's just so tempting. Really, nothing should be that tempting. I'll never be at peace with that kind of poison in my life. Those two paths will always cross randomly. I'll never be able to really escape her nor do I want to escape her.
Apparently if you know something you can avoid it. Take preventive measures. So if I know what's hurting me I can correct it. But even with all of that in place I still feel like it's a bloody nightmare and at the same time I'm thankful for the nightmare. Jeez... I must be fucking insane.
But in the mean time... I'll happily dream of Lady Gaga running around with her horrible hair as edward scissorhands chases her down screaming "LET ME CUT YOUR HAIR! CUT YOUR HAIR!" *chop* *chop* lol
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| Silence broken |
[06 Dec 2009|10:05pm] |
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And like I thought, God made it so those two paths cross again. They will always cross. When I lose all hope. My specific brand of poison and medicine all in one...
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| On Buffy lol! |
[29 Nov 2009|09:32pm] |
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You know I kind of liked the Buffy series when I was young. Years later I was like wtf was I into when I was a kid!? But the Buffy & Angel and Buffy & Spike relationship were always interesting to me. Angel and Buffy had this romantic, intense love thing going on. Then Spike comes along and Buffy and Spike have this hardcore, hate/love relationship going on. Both real extremes but it's interesting how spike would have done anything for buffy and Angel kind of let her go. I don't remember spike ever finding a new love interest in the Angel series either. It's very interesting how that all works out. Who knows which is better lol.
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| Life ain't a bag of chips. |
[28 Nov 2009|11:33pm] |
I'm a firm believer that life isn't supposed to be easy. Life is a battle, a struggle and when we get the things we fight for it makes it worth while. Those who can afford to just take it in and enjoy living really do have the good life. I sometimes think that's important but in the end it will never satisfy me. I like fighting. I think it's so much of who I am that no matter what, even when I don't have a battle right in front of me, I'll still be itching for a fight. It's just who I am.
Though it gets rough when I lose battles and shit I lose them so much. But my redeeming quality, or what I like to think of as my redeeming quality, is that no matter what happens, I don't give up. I'll bitch and I'll really get down but I won't ever surrender. I'll get right back up and give that son of a bitch a dose of it's own medicine. If it wasn't for that, I don't know what I'd do.
I think maybe I'm a bit old school in terms of my idea of what life is. I mean growing up with parents who are always trying to do better. Always in that struggle. In this day and age, with so much to do right in front of us, it's easy to forget that. Especially in New York City. I look at the range of things a lot and when I look at the range of the people I know, some are really living it up and others are fighting so damn hard just to make ends meet. And the majority of the people I know aren't in that beginning part. Some have kids, some just don't have the time. Hell I think only a handful are actually where they want to be in life.
I get the need for that self awareness that comes with exploring and testing what you're made of. What you can do. Hell, I have a lot of that ahead. But most of the time that's just forged in you. It's not a choice you make. It's thrust in your way. Don't get me wrong. There is a choice to be made. Some people choose to fight and some choose not to fight. Who knows which one is right or wrong. But, I will always choose to fight. No matter what the battle. That is what I was born to do and that is what I will do to the day I die.
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| All or Nothing. |
[23 Nov 2009|07:04pm] |
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I knew I should have headed to the mall today. I could have picked up Jay Sean's new album. I'll get it tomorrow! Anyway, I had to throw on The Scorpion King 2 again. Very light-hearted movie. It was just one of those days today. It'll be a weird week, with Thanksgiving right in the middle of it all. Well atleast I can say "2 days?" lol
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| On Scorpion King 2 |
[22 Nov 2009|04:23pm] |
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Note to self: Karen Shenaz David is smokin' hott!
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| On Twilight. |
[20 Nov 2009|05:52pm] |
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We have more lethal weapons than just guns. I swear, if we just sit an insurgent down and just read twilight to them, by the end of the 4th book they'll be spilling their guts and begging us to kill them. It's a win win.
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| I feel like I'm in that vampire show... |
[17 Nov 2009|09:20pm] |
I'm writing in this thing again... or so it would seem lol. Hmmm "hold tight to the heart of an angel" that's an interesting verse to throw into a song. I was watching Rihanna's Russian Roulette music video last night (that or a really good fake one...) and I kind of like this song. It's one of those annoyingly depressing but nice to listen to songs. Kind of like Apologize.
Anyway, I've been writing code lately in this crazy hybrid C++ visual basic like language. I think I should make a blog out of the damn thing. I swear for once it would be nice to have a bloody IDE! I swear I'm always programming in the worst environment. Like a freaking notepad like editor. I have to use output statements to debug my code. It's a bloody nightmare. What I wouldn't give for visual studio! And the knowledge base for this one language isn't that big because it's only used for this one application but it's very handy and powerful. I have to admit I was amazed at how quickly I was able to dump stuff into a meaningful excel file and I'm as rusty as a 10 year old nail!
Lets see, Rihanna's buddy just blew his brains out (in the song)... I'm thinking I've heard "I like you/I love you" only a few times in my life. Even from my parents. I mean I know they love me, they don't have to say it... I wouldn't want them to say it lol. But from other people, sometimes, it's nice to hear. Sometimes it's surprising and refreshing to hear it. I dunno... maybe I'm love deprived lol. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's rough. As time goes on, I think it really doesn't heal until someone comes along and helps you out. But even then, things are different. It's no longer I want everything to be amazing. It's different. I mean that still exists but the degree is less... it's something like how youngins are so eager to love someone because they haven't really experienced that. So they pull out all the stops if they can and get their hearts trashed. But they need that in order to grow. Maybe that's something I just never learned. Not that I really wanted to. I'm always trying to do amazing and end up getting hurt over it so I guess it finally settled in. I really don't care to do amazing anymore. Guess that means I'm settling. LOL, that's how it starts! Maybe I just need time. Lots and lots of time. Not like I'm going anywhere anytime soon lol. Really, I just want Summer to come around again. I miss the warmth! I miss the green! Summer where art thou!?
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| I have a ton of equipment I don't use. |
[16 Nov 2009|10:45pm] |
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For those of you who haven't seen the amount of training gear I have and never use... I have a shit load of training gear lol. I have training gloves, sparring gloves, a punching bag, a pull up bar, routines, pads, sports equip, etc... I have a lot of gear. I don't have weights. I never considered weight lifting important. Instead I do pull ups off one of the beams on the shed. This of course freaks out anyone who's happening to pass by the house while I'm in the yard going at it. One guy was like "you kickbox?" and I was like "something like that..." lol I'm going to take a turn at knife throwing next. I'm pretty good with knives. Or so I'd like to think. I'm not sure how to guage my close combat skills but I'd like to think I'm prepared should I ever have to use it. But that's not why I'm writing this entry. I'm writing this entry because I have all this gear and I can't use it! It's too cold to go outside. There is no room inside. Bah! I refuse to do a billion pull ups. LOL!
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| For the British, well not really... |
[14 Nov 2009|05:38pm] |
So, I suppose I should make an occasional entry in this thing. I've been thinking a lot lately... well more so than usual about those pink carnations lol. I know I really shouldn't but sometimes it's nice to remember certain things. I spend way too much time thinking about the past. It's toned down a lot and I think I've more or less gotten over everything but there are just random things that I do that make me remember. That's what happens when you share way too much of the things you love with someone. I don't think I can really enjoy walking the bridges or taking a walk through any of the parks I used to enjoy without remembering the things that happened in them. The parks really remind me of the people I've been there with. It's kind of sad but in a way I wouldn't be the same without it all. In any case I need to start taking those strolls again.
I bought ice skates recently. It's been a while since I last skated but I like doing it. It's relaxing to me. I want to get better to. I'll probably be spending a lot more time on the weekends at the skating rink.
My professor was amazed at my grades. She was like "Wow, you're grades are like a rollercoaster aren't they?" and I was like "lol wow... pretty much." I was a bit weirded out though. Having my professor know how my undergrad career was is kind of disturbing. In any case everything seems to be going decently on the Masters front. It could be better. Much better but I'm lazy.
On the work front, work is work. It's fun. I like it and it has its perks. I just wish there were more people in my age range there. More single indian women would be preferable but that's not happening lol. I am by far the youngest...
On the Christmas front, things look alright. I have about 60% done. 40% to go. There goes all my savings.
On that note, loans aren't moving. I've got a decent amount left. That's probably not going to change for a while. My finances are a bit interesting. But on the plus side, I have a sense of style. LOL. My parents disagree with that course of action but I think it has its benefits. And that's about that.
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| We should send these characters to Iraq. |
[11 Sep 2009|10:50pm] |
So today while Fee and Ahmed were visiting... we had this interesting thought... what if we sent the following characters overseas... What would happen!?
Liam Neeson - Bryan Mills
Matt Damon - Jason Bourne
Daniel Craig - James Bond
Kiefer Sutherland - Jack Bauer
Sylvester Stallone - Rambo
Naveen Andrews - Sayid Hassan Jarrah
Yes, I added Sayid because he would be awesome to have on that team. Lemme know what you guys think.
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| Women Killed Chivalry |
[30 Nov 2008|04:28pm] |
*Hands up* I give up lol. If every man has to be an asshole in order to be happy instead of miserable, fine. I give the fuck up. Fuck you. Don't talk to me, don't look for me and if by some miracle you notice after 72 hours that I've gone AWAL. Leave me the fuck alone. I'm done. I'm not okay and it's all because I let you get too close and you never realized what you were doing to me even though you knew I liked you. I found out too much about you. I wanted to make you smile. I wanted to be that guy who wasn't an asshole to you. I wanted to stick it out to the end. In a way I loved you and in the end, even though I was there when you needed me, you never took the time to get to know me or even think I was worth it. Hell you don't even know me. Very few actually take the time to know me and in the end I hope I've added a little bit of happiness to their lives and I'll always be there when they need me but I'm done trying to put that smile on your face. I'm done with this. Your poison did it's job. It ran it's course, you've killed me and now I'll walk the path I was suppose to walk from the start. The one everyone deems is the correct course of action for me to take. So fuck you. Fuck the world. Cause I'm done.
Much better. Now to get on with my life.
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| On "Oh Yeah" by Yello |
[28 Oct 2008|09:46pm] |
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I have to say, Oh Yeah by Yello has got to be the weirdest shit I've ever seen... These guys must have been on some really crazy shit when they came up with this....
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| Honour |
[05 Oct 2008|01:13pm] |
Sometimes you think you know something, but do you ever really know it? I mean one day you wake up and you see something that totally changes your perspective on everything. I am not an honourable man, yet. But what is honour really?
Honour is forged from one's actions. Honour is defined by the things we do in life. It can take a lifetime to achieve and be lost in a single moment. Do our children really carry our honour with them. Should they? Is honour defined by us, or by society? Isn't there a difference between my honour as I see it and my honour as others see it. And is it really such a thing as to be worth dying for. Do we guard the honour of those around us? What is really meant by this word, Honour...
I always though, if you do the things you have been charged with, take care of the ones you love, keep them happy and are overall a good person... your honour will stay intact. But Honour means so much more doesn't it? To some it is worth dying for. Why? Is life without honour so horrible? Some live without ever knowing the meaning of the word and a perfectly good people. Honour...
I can not even begin to understand the depth of such a word.
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| I'm having a Kenny Chesney Moment lol |
[16 Jul 2008|09:51am] |
One of these days
we're gonna have to grow up
have to get real jobs and be adults, someday
just not today
Have to worry about things out of our control
like kids, love and money and gettin old, someday
just not today, just not today
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She's thinking about what her kids are doing
Five miles away, it's almost time for bed
They're brushing teeth and hearing one more story
And in the mirror she paints her lips bright red
She wishees she could call and say she loves them
But the bossman says no calls go out or in
So she puts on a dress that might feel pretty
If she didn't have to take it off again
------------------------------
I move on like a sinners prayer
I let 'um go like a levee breaks
Walk away as if I don't care
Learn to shoulder my mistakes
I'm built to fade like your favorite song
Get reckless when there's no need
Laugh as your stories ramble on
Break my heart, but it won't bleed
My only friends are pirates
That's just who I am
But I'm better as a memory than as your man
Never sure when the truth won't do
And pretty good on a lonely night
Or move on the way a storm blows through
And never stay, but then again, I might.
I struggle sometimes to find the words
Always sure until I doubt
Walk a line until it blurs
Build walls too high to climb out
But I'm honest to a fault
That's just who I am
I'm better as a memory than as your man
I see you leaning, you're bound to fall
I don't want to be that mistake
I'm just a dreamer and nothing more
You should know it before it gets too late
Cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel
You never know where they're gonna land
First you're spinning, then you're standing still
Left holding a losing hand
But one day you're gonna find someone
And right away you'll know it's true
That all of your sinking's done
It was just a part of the passing through
Right there in that moment you'll finally understand
That I was better as a memory than as your man
Better as a memory than as your man
-----------------------------------
Don't Blink
-----------------------------------
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[30 May 2008|01:33am] |
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moscato di asti
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